Well there I was. My heart still racing, no real reason why. I was shaking, fear and the last of what I had left for adrenaline pumping through my body. This explained my heart I suppose. I was cold. You were issued bare minimum blankets because someone threatened to hang themselves with them at one point. And you were stripped down to your panties looking for weapons. (I had none just for any of you who were wondering. ;0) After I was deemed to not have any weapons, (it took awhile because my hip replacement made the metal detector go off more times then the airport), they give you the wonderful hospital gown. No no bra, it could have a underwire.
After the initial inspections, Mayo Luther is amazing, they look for any reason possible that you might be losing your mind other than the fact that your losing your mind. I believe I went through 5 doctors before they deemed that yes, until a neurologist and and another tribe of doctors could be scheduled for the next day, I was to stay in the psych unit.
I sat there listening to the silence, knowing the only thing that was mine were my underwear.
The first thing I noticed was the window, it was shatter proof with scratches so deep I can’t imagine who could do that. The wall was next, flat. I know because I had to touch something to know this was really truly happening. The clock ticked, I looked up 11:03pm…it was behind metal wire. 11:05pm my first hourly check by staff.
This this was it, this was what my life had finally come down too. I can still hear the sound of the metal doors closing behind me. I knew then my life was not mine anymore. Sure I walked in there willingly. But unlike jail or prison (in most cases) my life now belonged to a whole bunch of people who were now going to decide the best course of action for me. I could be there 3 days, or sent off to a facility for a extended period of time. I learned quickly that the state often stepped in and changed your 72 hour hold to a 15 to 30 by court order.
At that point I just wanted the drugs.