If you’re an 80’s child you know what the Nothingness is. It’s horrible terrifying, to say the least. It was what the princess was so terrified of. And why shouldn’t she be? If I knew the nothingness was coming I’d certainly be as prepared as possible.
Today I am, for years I wasn’t. If you have never been in such a state of depression that the nothingness doesn’t make sense let me try and explain.
Depression on its own is an annoyance. I am struggling today with it, my thoughts are negative, my body doesn’t want to follow the normal plan etc. But it’s not the nothingness. When it hits, I am stopped dead in my tracks. My life is no longer valid, the shower doesn’t matter, eating is a chore I have no feelings on it at all. Getting dressed doesn’t make any difference. I literally have no feelings. I am in a sea of nothingness. “it’s better to feel pain than nothing at all.” is such a valid statement at those times because I can’t feel pain either.
With Bipolar or any mood disorder, we have a stronger ability to empathize with other people. When the nothingness hits, I can’t feel anyone. If it wasn’t for my dog and therapy I might get stuck in this state. It lasts a while but eventually either by medication, light, God himself, I come back. My senses start to work again or at least I can feel them. I can feel my dog snuggled up against me, and see the light coming through my windows, I begin to get curious about what it feels like to be outside again.
The Nothingness did not take me this time.
Join me today register at A Walk to Remember
Let’s stand up against the stigma, lets put our voices together and demand we are heard.