The Nothingness, the NeverEnding Story

If you’re an 80’s child you know what the Nothingness is. It’s horrible terrifying, to say the least. It was what the princess was so terrified of. And why shouldn’t she be? If I knew the nothingness was coming I’d certainly be as prepared as possible.

Today I am, for years I wasn’t. If you have never been in such a state of depression that the nothingness doesn’t make sense let me try and explain.

Depression on its own is an annoyance. I am struggling today with it, my thoughts are negative, my body doesn’t want to follow the normal plan etc. But it’s not the nothingness. When it hits, I am stopped dead in my tracks. My life is no longer valid, the shower doesn’t matter, eating is a chore I have no feelings on it at all. Getting dressed doesn’t make any difference. I literally have no feelings. I am in a sea of nothingness. “it’s better to feel pain than nothing at all.” is such a valid statement at those times because I can’t feel pain either.

With Bipolar or any mood disorder, we have a stronger ability to empathize with other people. When the nothingness hits, I can’t feel anyone. If it wasn’t for my dog and therapy I might get stuck in this state. It lasts a while but eventually either by medication, light, God himself, I come back. My senses start to work again or at least I can feel them. I can feel my dog snuggled up against me, and see the light coming through my windows, I begin to get curious about what it feels like to be outside again.

The Nothingness did not take me this time.

Join me today register at A Walk to Remember

Let’s stand up against the stigma, lets put our voices together and demand we are heard.

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