Let Go and Let God

As a Christian, this is one of the hardest obstacles someone with an obsessive mind can try and do. Every time you think you have let go and are waiting for the good Lord to answer, your mind trails back to the “what if” section of it’s brain binder. This alone is another to drive you mad.

Many years ago now. (I’m not talking about how many because I don’t want to think about it being over 10 years ago). I was dumb enough to get myself an OWI. After my license was reinstated part of the condition was that I had to take AODA counseling classes. I was so not thrilled.

Here I was in my 20’s drinking like a fool, primarily due to age, sitting with people with serious drug addictions. I had never touched anything hard, my real father was a heroin addict. So I was smart enough to stay away from anything I might get hooked on.

My counselor though was one of the few (there have been tons) who could get to me. After a few months, I was finally comfortable enough to share one of my horrific drinking stories (a story for another time). I was crying and staring at the ground, curled into my chair.

Then I heard my counselor say, “Jeanie look up.” I did and I looked around the room. I was too emotional to really read people’s reactions at that point. Then my counselor says, “Jeanie stand on your chair.” I’m looking at him like, ok you’re back on drugs. But I did it anyway.

I crawled my butt on my chair looking around. “Jeanie now look at everyone.” I did and I realized that looking down they all looked a little different. “Jeanie, get some perspective….” I heard my counselor say. “Change where you’re looking at this from.” He was right.

Although I can’t always just stand on a chair and look at things differently I can choose to look at situations differently.

After many years of trying to practice my perspective, I finally turned 28 and broke my hip. I had a few “God Moments” in that one let me tell you what. I’ll again share that story another time. But one of the major lessons I learned was from my sister in law.

I was angry, it was easy to see. 28 and using a walker. I kept praying for a quick healing, but I was still waking up having to take my handful of painkillers each day, and my x-rays revealed my fracture was there.

One day while sitting chatting with my sister in law she says, “Have you talked to God about your anger? I mean really let God have it?” I said, “Yes, but I was still angry.” She said, “No, I mean God created you, He’s the only one who can take your anger. You need to let Him have it. Do you think he doesn’t already know?”

So that afternoon, God and I had a talk. I literally yelled at God. It was as though I knew he was saying, “well it’s about time. Good, now we can move on.”

I needed a new perspective. This was not the time in my life to be saying beautiful things to God about how great life was. Because it wasn’t it stunk. It was time to get real and get honest.


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