I am running, so fast, so hard. I can’t stop “they” have already seen me. This town of 4000 people has become so loud! Make them stop staring, make them stop looking at me. I can hear everything they are saying, “she’s crazy, what is she wearing, why did she come here?”
Jean keep running.
Even the trees know something, I can’t take this. I’m going to be sick. Keep running.
My car I have to drive away I have to. This isn’t safe, it’s not safe here. I JUST WANT TO BE SAFE!
I pull into my driveway, run into the house, lock the door, shut the lights off, find my blanket and sit. “What am I going to do? They all hate me. They can see through me.” I feel my dog paw at my chest, so I lay down so he can be close. He must be scared too.
He does something new, he lays over the top of my chest. My breathing slows. My shoulders lay back. I pet him and realize how soft he really is. We lay there like this for 10 mins or so. And then it hit me, I just had a panic attack from hell and my dog, not a psychiatrist, group therapy session or my valium just calmed me down. When did he learn this? (hes really not that smart. just sayin)
I sat up turned on the lights, took half my dose of valium and focused on just the dog, just that moment. Soon, things fell back into perspective.
What I concluded that day (only a week ago), was that either A) my dog was magic B) we all have access to our DBT skills, but sometimes we need the right catalyst to help facilitate them.